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He called it a 'project' to help me work my feelings out about things. Whatever, I will give it a shot.And for my kids, not just for me. I need to be whole for them.In losing Anita, I seem to have also lost myself. I mean, I'm a proud guy. I've always been the one others call when they have problems. I was in the Navy and did two deployments to Iraq, so I'm not a crybaby, I'm a realist. The diagnosis was made, and we sought treatment. We did all we could, but cancer is an invitation to the other side to which, in most cases, the RSVP can not be withdrawn.Nothing motivates me now. It's as if I'm on autopilot, and everything I do is just part of my programming. I haven't even gone back to work yet. It'd probably help me to keep busy, but I can only think of my precious wife and how much I miss her just being here.Those few seconds in the morning when I first wake up, are the only peace I get.Until I remember...Journal Entry Number Two:Anita came to me last night. It wasn't my. So could he. Makes a guy say to himself, ‘If only that wasn’t there.’”She made a face.“And when you bent over and your top fell forward, he could see everything.”She was beginning to blush. “He was busy with the oven,” she said. “He didn’t look.”I shook my head unable to comprehend her ideas. “Of course he looked. I looked. Ralphie almost gasped.” I raised my eyebrows twice. “We could see your bare tits.”She shook her head. “Well, he’ll probably never see me again.”“Maybe not, but he’ll remember you.”She frowned. “Are you mad at me?”I placed her hand back on my cock. “Would my dick be this hard if I were mad at you?”She kissed me. “Good. Are you ready to get naked with me?”“I was ready when I walked in.”“I’ll go and fill the tub.”“You’re taking a bath?”She gave me a sexy smile. “We are taking a bath. Since we can’t have sex like a real couple today, I want to see how big and hard you get if I wash you very thoroughly. When you’re squeaky clean, I’ll put you in my mouth. Would you.
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